Sex Should We or Should We Not

This is written from my personal point of view...the view of a teen mother after the child is no longer a teen him self...a view compiled from years of child raising...mine and their friends...as well as five years of "Higher Level Learning". (A fancy term for college.)
My opinion? Some kids will and some kids won’t. I do not believe the choice is solely based on the child’s up bringing...I believe it is more of positioning in the family, social influences, and the ambitions of the child it self.

Psychologists have studied sex and all the various issues surrounding it in depth...Freud was big on believing that our world revolves around sex from the time we are infants...his theories are correct and have been proven in most cases...they have been taken and added to with many years of research...Freud was considered "extreme". From his studies Behavioral Psychology began...Behavioral Psychologists believe our lives are patterned by nurture with nature playing only a minor role...Pavlov studied these theories in depth his most famous study being..."the salivating dog". Pavlov proved that an animal could be trained to salivate (showing a mental need for food) at the ringing of a bell...even after the critter was fed and full he would still salivate when the bell rang...thus his brain was trained....Pavlov proved we can train our brains like any other muscle in our bodies...Religion has been doing it for years...parents do it to young children...and our social circles also train our brains to like a certain body and life style.

So where does sex fit in? Though out our whole lives...as infants we are born with "basic" survival instincts...the need for food, warmth, safety, and love. Infants have proven this theory for eons...the infant raised in a crib at an orphanage with out the snuggles and loves a normal child would get grows to be "detached". Statistics show that these children grow up with very negative views on life...possibly ending up in the prison system eventually...studies show this process can be reversed with lots of love and patience.

So as an infant our bodies need and desire being held...Freud claims this is early sex yearnings...I believe this is a sign that the human is suppose to "connect" to each other...
An infant’s brain is born to seek warmth and comfort...as that infant grows it learns it can control its body...it also learns that it can give itself pleasure...

At around two...when the child can finally reach what’s been hiding in a diaper it begins to explore. NOW is when nurture enters the picture...a parent who screams at the child that this is NOT right...will change the images a child’s brain has on self comfort...this child will begin to refrain from making him or her self feel good in both sexual and non-sexual ways. A fear of "feeling good" will become implanted in the child’s brain and the need to be loved is strong so it will go against nature and stop anything that makes him feel good. Thus the beginning of negative interactions with our selves and others; comforting our selves is an important task in other areas of our lives.

Now if the parent tells the child to go to their room and do that. "It's your private place. No one else needs or can share it with you..." Then lets it drop...this child will learn that it can make it self feel better...eventually the "touching" will quit for a few years and the child will move onto a different level of learning to comfort him self.

Until we are about 5 our worlds revolve around mom and dad...our brains do not register there is life out side of the family...As we grow our brains allow us to take in and conceive information at a different level...a child of three conceives a kiss as a way to show love...nothing sexual. A child at 5 will run and tell the neighbors his or her parents are "doing it" for that same kiss. This child is at an age where it's brain is learning it has it's own identity...it is no longer thinking like it did a few months ago...the world begins to evolve into a society not just a family at this age...

Where does sex fit in here? Self-vs-self....this child is beginning to understand the make up of a family...daddy is a boy, mommy is a girl...only girls can be mommy’s and only boys can be daddies. Thus the "playing house" years begin. Boys and girls alike will be exploring their gender roles at this age. Boys will begin playing "only boy roles" and girls "girly" roles. Thus that kiss equals sex and sex makes babies.

Now as a parent this is the time to begin answering questions and paying very close attention to the children at play. This is the age that "doctor, doctor" and "check ups" begin. An age where many young children are now being accused of molesting younger ones, a natural role for our brains has become a challenge to our society for change. It WON’T happen. You can only suppress this instinct NOT get rid of it. Children should be encouraged to experience the gender roles. They should be encouraged to do it in proper ways. If a child is found in a compromising action, this action should be dealt with by explanation. Explaining to the children involved that it is not okay to look at or touch one another at this age. Answering questions with the truth is important. At five the child does not need to know "how", but the "when, and whys" are important to them. Brief "This is not a good way to play. You are not yet old enough to look at or touch another or be looked at or touched. These feelings feel good now...and your welcomes to play alone in your room...but you’re not allowed to share them with other kids." By acknowledging the child’s feelings you are not “denying” they have them…it may take a few rounds but the child will learn that these “feelings” are natural and the curiosity for them will fade for a few more years.

Again sex roars it’s into our growing children around the end of elementary school. Sex education classes taught in fifth and six grades now do a pretty good job of educating this age. This aged child is usually more concerned with what’s happening to their own body compared to others, than what will happen when the two bodies meet.

Parents should talk to children at this age about sex. Once again addressing the growth issues the child is facing at this time…this is the age where “responsibility” talks should be given. This child knows its own body by now and is comparing it to others its own age. A child at this age needs to know that they are normal whether they are at the lead in their developmental issues or a follower. This is also an age where the act of sex should be addressed. This age group varies on the information they require. It is a parents job to watch society, the child’s friends, and the child it self. It is also a parents responsibility at this age to address concerns and issues…this age child usually will NOT come to a parent for information they find it our from friends, and society. This is an age where you should arm your child with facts. Sex makes babies, condoms prevent illness.

I was once told…”Never tell your child something you will have to un-tell them someday.” This is the age of honesty…respect for us as people not just parents begins to bloom at this age. A respect that should be nourished it will come in handy in future years.

From Junior High on, our bodies begin taking on the roles Mother Nature intended them to, before modern technologies have allowed our lives to span a century instead of a decade. By six-teen the human body is ripe for reproduction…not so long ago we were marrying and having babies at this age. Society has changed that and I will not argue six-teen is too young to have a child. Maturity helps in raising a child and holding together a productive life. There are also many psychological issues evolving during High School interactions that are critical in today’s times.

By High School children should KNOW the “whys, when’s, whereas and haws” they should also know the consequences for each…not just pregnancy, diseases, and labels (i.e.…slut). But the psychological effects…obviously the baby wont go away…but they will keep you up all night…curb your social life…and cost you a lot of “fun”. The diseases can affect you for the rest of your life…should you get AIDS or Herpes do you really want to have to tell other people you like that you have AIDS or Herpes not to mention having to mention it to your doctors each and every time you see them. You can move away but Labels stick if you plan on returning someday this should be considered. (I over heard girls from High School at the bar talking about me like it was still 1985.) Kids need to know the consequences for their actions and parents NEED to tell them. Often times we forget how our own hormones were surging at that age…why should are children’s not be?

Many will say arming your child with information on sex is “giving them permission” I will strongly disagree with that. My parents did not talk to me about sex. They thought 16 would be about the right age. Society did not agree with them. For me sex was a way to feel loved. I felt misunderstood and over looked. I knew sex made babies, this information I found at my local library after reading a Judy Blume book that made me interested in doing the research. I did not know a baby would cost me prom, high school graduation, home coming, and many other social events I had once dreamed of.

For many of my friends sex was a way to fit in. I remember one group of girls who felt they were the only virgins left in Homer. They went out one night to a party and had a “race” to see who could lose their virginity.

For others sex was not an issue…whether hormones lacked or self-esteem thrived…these select few made it through High School with out sex.

No matter how hard a parent tries…sex will raise its head in your child’s life. If you are really opposed of sex before marriage and are practicing what you preach…then tell your child the truth. They will see it else where and probably interpret it wrong, so tell them the truth and do not shelter them from seeing the consequences from others actions.

I was once told…”to win the battle, one must know its enemy.” Some famous quote I am not sure who’s…in sex…the enemy is lack of facts not the how to's

In parenting…society…don’t hide your head…your children wont. Don’t think your “beliefs” will prevent your child from dealing with it. RESPECT, respect for a parent who tells the truth and can admit they too were once young, dumb and stupid. This is the way to keep your child from falling under the “norm”.

I work for respect from my child…but I am more concerned about respect from their friends. Children naturally try to put distance between their need for a parent and their want to be an individual. If their friends respect you they will help you keep your child out of trouble and will remain out of trouble too. I am the “cool” parent, but I wont hesitate to tell the child I caught trying to sneak out that she was heading down a path that is very hard to walk…the next day…my daughter took her to task for trying to be a “slut”.

My kids may not wait to have sex until they are married, obviously since I am a grandmother, but they will never be able to say I with held information or lied…nor will I ever feel guilty about telling them. “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” Love that feeling.

Blame and Betrayal part 2

All right lets discuss the Baptist Temple and their issues on "tax discrimination". It seems to me that a church of this magnitude would be happy to pay the extra taxes on the properties it owns...seems money is not an issue when the Church itself is a Monument of sorts.

I do not understand how a religious institution can be so hypocritical...they will only help their own...I do not believe that Jesus had this in mind...I do believe he is said to have died for all of our sins...not just the ABT patrons. I also believe his message preached "DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU."

I fear that money has once again taken it's evil roots into the church. For years it has been known that the Catholic churches hold a huge bank account...is the ABT competing? Does a church realy need to hold onto money...Seems that the money would benifitt our communities immensely...the extra taxes from the property owned by the Baptist Temple will be put back into the very community the claim to want to save...

From reading this and other articles about the subject I feel I can safely say...the Anchorage Baptist Temple wants to save your soul...at the price of your offering every Sunday and Wednesday...the increase in YOUR property taxes but not theirs...

But on the up side...your soul will be saved in a beautiful building that has cost you as a paton of the church, part of your already stretched budget. Your property taxes, that seem to spike every election, will continue to keep this building safe from crooks and fire...the roads to it clear and smooth, and should the need arise...if you are a patron of the church...they will compensate your investment with a small donation to help pay your electric bill, which you could afford if they would just take over their own share of property taxses.

Blame and Betrayal.

Seems anymore when I open the paper I am assaulted by headllines screaming "unfairness" in some form or another. "Elementary school parents feel betrayed as district changes bounderies." Wednesday March 29, 1006 Anchorage Daily News Alaska Section. I do not need to read this article, although I did, to know what the issue is...parents want their kids in the new school. These are the same parents who probably voted against the new school for the last 5 years in the first place.
"Author blames civilizations' fall on enviromental destruction" same section of the paper. Okay fine this is a very popular opion already, I believe it to to be false.
"Baptist Temple calls tax plan discrimination", again the same blame seeking attitude.

So my readers...the reality of it is...YOU are the problem...YOU and all who walk on two legs with brains they forget to use.

Our world is going to shit and it is all our fault. Man kind screams that life is unfair, discriminative, and other people are to blame...I say take the blame for your own actions and maybe we would notice a difference. Our nation is filled with people who "want" bigger and better than their neighbors. To achieve this goal we will walk on who ever we must to get it. If it is unachievable...we will find someone to "blame" or "sue" to manipulate our path to achievement. This is the attitude that will cause the destruction of the world as we know it.

School bounderies have to be changed when new schools are added to the ever growing population...when they are...well if you dont like it...MOVE!!! Quit manipulating the system to "get your child privlages". why should your child be prioritized over others? If your not happy with the school your child has to attend...DO SOMETHING about it...quit sitting at home complaining to your friends and family and motivate your butt to join the PTA, volenteer to help out in your childs class room...but quit setting a crappy example for your child..complaining only makes negative energy...causing negative emotions and actions...this my readers equals "destruction". Your children feed off you...they hear you...they act on your words...if you discuss your "unhappiness" with the school...you have made the school staff look inferior in your childs eyes...this will cause them to lose respect for the people who are resonsible for educating our youngsters to run our world some day...Do your job as a parent and teach your child through your own actions...show them that even when we dont get what we want, there is time to reevaluate the situation and problem solve without "blaming". Sometimes "accepting" that we can not have it our way all the time is not easy...but if we had it all we would still want more.

The motto here...Be happy with what you have...when you are you will find that more comes naturally.

lets see if this works

this is a test...I am moving ALL opion articles to here...my other blog will be personel here you will find my views on the world around me.