Two of most peoples biggest problems. Up until a few years ago I too had this issue. Then I realized that the only person I was really hurting...was myself.
I did not deceive and deny to hurt others or achieve a free ride for myself...I did it so others would think I had control of my life. To make myself look better. Funny thing is...I got sick. I was drawn out and tired, doctors called it fatigue, depression, bi-polar at one point they even mentioned multiple personalities...well don't lie to yourself...we all have these...just do not name them, and the shrinks will leave it alone.
The few friends I had, I had for superficial reasons...most saw me as "together" and were my friend hoping I would provide them stability...few saw me. (I kept her well hidden)
The deceit built in me till even I had trouble differentiating between the reality and fiction. Then the biggest lie of my life...Nursing School.
I did NOT go to school to get a high paying job that would suck money from poor sick people so I could buy expensive toys. I went to nursing school so I would NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY THOSE PEOPLE MY HARD EARNED MONEY! There I said it. Co payments for mental health add up...then add the doctors payments for the personality altering drugs and the expense of the drug itself...I saved myself a lot of money.
At one point I was forking out almost 300 dollars a month to doctor co payments and I was on Medicaid!! Back then you paid 25 dollars a visit...as well as a co pay for drugs.
Through Psychology classes I learned about myself...I learned my behaviors were in side me and I did have the ability to change them...I learned my feelings were okay...and many in this world have the same ones. I learned that...guess what...the poor people who live family filled lives have a longer life span. Funny how that works.
Did you know there is a chemical in your body for all your emotions, for some of us those chemicals become compounds that we can no longer identify an emotion too.
So in walked Anger Management. Now this is not a class I recommend you just go sign up for. There are too many out there...interview the teacher, and curriculum, make sure the court assigned members do no out number the ones choosing to take the class. I happened to pay a lot of money for the class Keith and I took...but I feel we got the best (half the students were court assigned, and half were there to prevent that.).
We learned ANGER is NOT and emotion. ANGER is the compounding of many negative emotions at once.
A=annoyance
N=neglected feelings
G=guilt...wont admit it? better think deeper.
E=envy
R=rage....what happens when 3 or more negative emotions simmer in 1 human being for too long.
AGGRESSION= now this is anger in a rage...usually it no longer matters what the issue was that started the problem...at this point...any thing bad in a persons life comes raging to the surface and the person loses control, says things they can never take back, and hurts the ones they say they love. The worst form of deceit.
I have personally seen the damage this kind of behavior has on a young child. The earliest hormones in their bodies...programing their brains for the reception of a negative one. They begin to know this as normal. It is programed and often impossible to change later in life. As small children growing in this environment...these hormones begin to comfort them!!
So lets think about that...a child raised by parents who fight all the time, yell at the child to get it to comply, and probably use violence to achieve a means...will learn to thrive on adrenalin, and the other hormones that cause the fight or flight response in our bodies. To this child...it is comforting. A desire to be hit over hugged, in bedded deeply in the child's brain. Deceit in the worst way...and denial by the parent...probably guilt too.
The BIBLE says "Children suffer for the parents sins." This is why my friends...here on this earth...not in heaven.
This child will grow to either flee life through depression and inner turmoil..."What did I do wrong?" or this child will grow to control the ones around them with manipulation, and physical strength...either way their bodies are utilizing the hormones their parents taught them to produce. Trying in vain to obtain a balance that it has no idea how to achieve.
We utilize what we have...what we have is already inside of us shortly after conception...hormones. The root to the personality. Then nurture adds to the confusion.
Anger is a major part of many of our lives...it can be controlled but only with the help of other. Behaviors must change for extended periods of time so the brain can be "re-wired" with the new hormones...there are always set backs and road blocks...but...the goal can be achieved with a lot of emotionally hard work.
Tomorrow (hopefully) the other side of the scale...positive energy too can lead to the bodies most basic defense...fight or flight...eventually leading to ANGER.
***There are exceptions to this little man made catastrophe...I believe they are angels...born with the hormones to protect their brains from being "programmed" by nature, and nurture.
