***this is the first of a series of things I have written. It may form a book some day I am hoping that those that read this will not judge or be offended in anyway. As I am not intending to "take sides" in any one belief. At times it may appear that way as it does in history also. I am hoping however that those that read this will let me know things like...How easy it was to understand? Critique my writing not the contents...please.
History of the Circle….
I began “questioning” the world at an early age. Told many times I seem to have to “try it all” in my life time as well as the “I ask too many questions.” Good thing I was also taught that “No question is a stupid question if one is truly seeking an answer.”
Let’s start in the beginning. Some believe that we “evolved” from the something most likely from the sea. Others believe we walked out of paradise and into sin. Some do not “believe” anything, “it just is.” Why can’t all of these be the right answer?
Seems that IF at one time we had a “paradise” on earth, humans living with nature with no negatives to effect out lives and someone chose to use their “human powers” to blow the place up. These same people wanted to regain control of that paradise; would others not run away? If this paradise was taken over by a controlling body of some kind would they not want to keep their power by enforcing laws and rules that make people behave in a certain way?
Those that wanted to remain in a “shared” paradise would have been seen as trouble makers and either imprisoned or killed as an example to the rest of the “non-compliant” people. This would have lead to the life many in the world today live by, a world of competitiveness and much needed forced compliance.
Now IF these people that were fighting to remain free of rules and constraints and lived by their beliefs of peace and positive over negative wanted to spread to word to others, yet wanted to avoid persecution I do believe history sports a theory that “stories and nursery rhymes” were made up and spread via voice until man found ways to “document” the facts that were portable.
So maybe I did not start at the beginning of the Earth…but how we evolved into humans that think, feel, and have the capacity to rationalize does not really matter. What matters is how we evolved from family unity and shared communities to lonely individuals that work to many hours for most of our lives with rarely any true rewards to compensate. What matters is…How do we prevent this world from becoming a place where the negatives out way the positive so heavily it is impossible to fix it with out blowing things up?
What matters is…sciences are proving that we are continuing to evolve. Why anyone would think we would stop evolving is beyond me. Medical statistics we once thought were written in stone are changing. Human organs are more able to handle higher increases in core body temperature than they were in the past. A fever of 101 once was deadly. Now it is considered normal in the state of illness. Doctors know the rational behind this, medical scientist too. Due to the “competitiveness” in our world “other sciences” do not know this. They chose to believe they are different in their studies therefore the information has no meaning to them.
So IF at one time we lived in a “paradise on earth” we would not have needed clothing to keep us warm. Our bodies are made to adapt. So if this paradise was disrupted quickly by an asteroid from outer space, a flood from the heavens, or maybe even just the natural evolution of the earth on its axis man would need to migrate, possibly quickly. Adaptation does not happen quickly unless you are a simple celled life form. Humans take years to reproduce and change genetic structure. If you consider that it takes two humans to toss out a pool of genetics it could take even longer to change the evolution of man. The odds make it a slow process for humans and other large animals.
So here walks the dinosaur. Yes these creatures once walked the earth; maybe it was more like a zoo with out fences. Something made all creatures on earth migrate quickly; those that took longer periods of time to pass on genetic codes, and those that had serious depletion in numbers were unable to continue to evolve.
Now at this time I could see total chaos on earth. People used to living in a “controlled environment” mixed with people who have continued to live off their own beliefs in peace and oneness, all mixed with animals of great size that are probably unknown of due to lack of media coverage then, chaos on earth that ended many issues and began many more.
Many probably wandered around not knowing where to go as they were used to being told how to live; probably provided for if they worked for the ones in power. Many more formed communities and began again working to achieve the paradise their ancestors told stories of. At this point man and beast probably both gave up vegetarianism due to a lacking of vegetation. Food was needed for survival, and for those with out, fur was needed for warmth. Thus killing for food and adding to the need to compete for survival... One deer, five families to feed, self preservation would have taken over. Negative feelings and emotions would have taken over some causing greed and other harmful issues.
In some places it may have taken years for vegetation to grow again causing even more negative energy amongst those that lived in those areas. Now remembering we have not found evidence that we had any type of “modern technology” back then. We would have been afraid to wander to far away from where ever we called home. Stories would have been told around firesides on long winter nights about the times when the “Great Beasts” were roaming and the “heavenly star” “holy flood” it would probably depend on where one was when the event happened. Earth quake shakes the ground, crumbles buildings…we now know that the tsunami that follow will take out land masses thousands of miles away.
What would you have thought if you were walking the beach when a giant wave came from no where and took out the entire village? Not knowing that across the world the land shook so viciously it opened and swallowed people into its depths.
Now in walk the stories of man kind and the savior per each group’s beliefs. Someone would have had to start a story to encourage others to not lose hope. It took the whole community to survive. They had to work together and not knowing where the disaster came from fear would have made that a hard thing to do.
At this point many formed strong bonds toward the ones that showed the strength and found the solutions to their problems. Many idealized these people into positions of greatness. Some could not handle the control this gave them and they began to use the fear full to achieve their means of life in luxury per the times. Others showed sacrifice and hard work to set the example of how man could live again in that ultimate community with patience hard work and love for each other.
Again communities would have separated due to differences of opinions sometime during these trifles “religions” were named. At that time religion was the political party and usually the ruling government. Here is when I could address the “facts” that put me to sleep in history class, but I was so busy trying to get the damn bibliography right, so that everyone got “credit” as required, t those facts just slipped into fragments that may or may not be correct. Point here is this, Religion was the ruling government at one time. A time when man lived only half the amount of time man lives now. A time when infants were born dead and often time the mother died in the process of birthing. This information leads me to believe that the human numbers on this earth were under control.
I would guess with a much smaller population the religions would have consisted of few in number with the people having to decided, or be born to a particular side. Hypothetically let’s say this; there were two maybe three main “groups” or “religions”. These groups lived with in their own boundaries up until their populations grew beyond. Now they need more space and have infringed on the “others”. This would cause some minor spats between them.
Let’s say that to over come them, two of the “groups” realized that the leaders son and daughter had fallen in love. Now if these two groups were to join in marriage it would be in the best interest of both to work together. IF this happened and say there was a third group that realized how much “power” this would give a population far greater than his own; would he not do everything in his power to prevent that union or at least break it before the bonds of marriage had time to infiltrate both communities.
Now at this time people would have been afraid to speak for their own beliefs. Fear of the unknown is mans worst enemy so they would not venture out from home to start over. They were forced to “choose sides”. This again changed the balance of GOOD and EVIL. This again made many humans question their own beliefs. I would guess some were brave enough to strike out on their own eventually finding others and forming yet another “group”.
Many times over man has “proof “of this circle of events. Each time humans have evolved into thinking they are more intelligent the last group it happened too. Maybe we are maybe we are not. I would think that with the many, many, years of information we now have and the technology that someone, some where could fit the pieces together. This is where that little voice I don’t really hear but still I hear, speaks’ to me and says
”Hey…Hey you…get a clue…’someone, somewhere’…why not you?”
Is it GOD? My ego or Id? Maybe a multiple personality disorder; what ever it is it is nagging at me to the point that it makes me smile and say…
“Fine! But if I get shot you and I will be face to face sooner than I want to be…and we may not get along!”
(I believe in the good over the bad. Whoever it is up there has a sense of humor or we would have all been wiped out long ago.)
I hope I do not need to point out here that this story could pertain to many events in history, once told history repeats itself, I did my research and asked my questions. Again I was not looking for “facts” and “proof” I was watching and waiting for lessons to be learned and a pattern of behaviors that fit the description of man kind, forensics at a deeper level.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Young Parents
Not one to like labels much the title "teenage mother" makes me shiver. Not so many years ago women became women when their monthly cycles began. This means that a woman is of child bearing years. It is in modernized society that we label these pregnancies. That label will follow someone through their life if they allow it too.
I was 15 when I discovered I was pregnant. Having only the knowledge that my child like mind was able to take in...I wrongly figured somehow Pregnancy came with marriage. "We will talk about it when you get married".
I always knew I wanted children but in the eighties it was a time for women to consider career first then the family. I had my life planned and pregnancy was not on the schedule until 32. One choice changed that path and a life I had not anticipated began.
I was not raised in a dysfunctional family. I will not pass "blame" on my parents for my choice to try "adult" things at an age when my body was screaming maturity but my socialized mind knew nothing. I could go on about the financial hardships that come along with a family before financial responsibility but most who are teen age parents probably are figuring this one out on their own.
I could cry about the loss of my child hood and the amount of people hurt, including myself, because I was making "mature" decisions that I only thought I knew anything about. Throwing a pity party would not help nor would it teach my now grown children the morals I have been trying to teach them for almost 22 years.
Life is hard; I will not deny that, it is even harder when you are trying to grow up before society and your brain are ready for that growth. I am now raising a second family, my dream of starting a family at 32 is a reality now. I now see the things I would not hear before. I won’t ramble on about as it would not help anyone that is human and young.
I will say that now my "teen pregnancy" has grown up. He has problems dealing with some things in this world mostly due to the upbringing he had. When parents fight, for what ever reason, their children over hear things. They may not react at the time but eventually a time will come in their own lives and they will draw that experience up and handle their own situation similar, whether they liked it or hated it when witnessing it as a child.
These are the things that teen age parents do not know. As young people we feel there is "always tomorrow" to fix a mistake. We do not even realize how fast that "mistake" will grow. Nor how much of their behaviors are patterned after their parents. It did not matter to me when people would talk about how I should parent an extremely hyper young man. I usually did not listen as he was my son and I knew everything about him.
Now I know different. Here is what I know. As young parents "fairness" is still a big issue in our adolescent mind. That "fairness" is mainly self centered. When we have children we tend to treat them as if they are an appendage of ourselves that can be removed from our bodies. All parents need to realize, but young parents have a harder time of it, that children are just "adults in training". Whether you conceive a child at 13 or 32 the responsibilities are still the same. Difference is that at 32 you can see that the whole picture consists of much more than food, clothes, money, and a lack of social life and sleep. At 32 you can see the psychological effects a life style has on a developing child.
I was lucky enough, after a bout of cancer or two, to conceive a fourth and fifth child. At the time my "teen pregnancies" were 18, 16, and 11. Given a second chance to attempt to "fix" the first round of mistakes that I made, I am hoping that the older ones will watch an observe and note the differences. I am hoping that they will learn, along with me, how a "functional family" works. They will see that abuse and negative energy ruin the love a family should share no matter what their financial status.
This time around I will not allow my child to go to "a kid in the class'" birthday party. If my child is not a close friend of the birthday person, they should not be going to the party. It does a child good to feel the lack of fairness in this world, to deal with those emotions while they are still learning how to handle life. A time when a parent can show them ways to deal with "being left out", instead of insisting that "Timmy get to go to.".
This time around, when my spouse and I have "issues" we take it away from the kids if it is going to heat up, not something I worry about in this marriage. I talk to my spouse about how we will handle situations I already know will arise from previous experience. We find a plan and are prepared instead of side balled by the young child insisting on getting her way through mean words and violence.
I now know that things happen. How we handle them is why they happen to teach us to find positive things from the negative. It is always positive to learn from a bad choice. There are so many more topics I could move into about the life of a teen age mom, but it is more important to think about the life of the off spring of that teen age mom.
I did not do my son justice. He was loved, clothed, and fed. I did all the "mom" things I knew how. What I did not know then was that MY behavior (and their fathers) was the MOST educational opportunity I had to offer my child. I blew it by making excuses for bad behavior as I tried to teach them good behavior. What I taught them was to make excuses. I blew it by assuming that "family" being together was more important than my child's trust and safety needs. Sometimes it is better for the child to cope with divorce if one parent is setting a good example. It is ideal if both do, but this rarely happens I am told.
If two adults can not communicate appropriately their children notice. These same children hear the "respect" speech regularly (or they should anyway). If they do not see their parents "practicing what they preach" they lose respect. Wouldn't you? If these children see parents communicating even if the parents do not agree, they will learn to communicate and disagree. That it is okay to NOT agree.
Lessons that as young people we usually have not learned to use. Lessons that tend to be forgotten when the baby has been crying all day, there is no money, milk is sour, and one of the two "adults" does not pull their load. My sons did not deserve to be a part of my growing up process. They did not ask to be put in that position. So it was and is still my job to try and set a good example, even though they are grown.
I have talked often with my "teen pregnancy" about life and the issues we all face. He too made the choices that lead him to be a father at young age. He is making the same "mistakes" I did. Children shall be punished for their parent’s sins. (I promise this is one of the worst consequences I have ever had to deal with.)
I was 15 when I discovered I was pregnant. Having only the knowledge that my child like mind was able to take in...I wrongly figured somehow Pregnancy came with marriage. "We will talk about it when you get married".
I always knew I wanted children but in the eighties it was a time for women to consider career first then the family. I had my life planned and pregnancy was not on the schedule until 32. One choice changed that path and a life I had not anticipated began.
I was not raised in a dysfunctional family. I will not pass "blame" on my parents for my choice to try "adult" things at an age when my body was screaming maturity but my socialized mind knew nothing. I could go on about the financial hardships that come along with a family before financial responsibility but most who are teen age parents probably are figuring this one out on their own.
I could cry about the loss of my child hood and the amount of people hurt, including myself, because I was making "mature" decisions that I only thought I knew anything about. Throwing a pity party would not help nor would it teach my now grown children the morals I have been trying to teach them for almost 22 years.
Life is hard; I will not deny that, it is even harder when you are trying to grow up before society and your brain are ready for that growth. I am now raising a second family, my dream of starting a family at 32 is a reality now. I now see the things I would not hear before. I won’t ramble on about as it would not help anyone that is human and young.
I will say that now my "teen pregnancy" has grown up. He has problems dealing with some things in this world mostly due to the upbringing he had. When parents fight, for what ever reason, their children over hear things. They may not react at the time but eventually a time will come in their own lives and they will draw that experience up and handle their own situation similar, whether they liked it or hated it when witnessing it as a child.
These are the things that teen age parents do not know. As young people we feel there is "always tomorrow" to fix a mistake. We do not even realize how fast that "mistake" will grow. Nor how much of their behaviors are patterned after their parents. It did not matter to me when people would talk about how I should parent an extremely hyper young man. I usually did not listen as he was my son and I knew everything about him.
Now I know different. Here is what I know. As young parents "fairness" is still a big issue in our adolescent mind. That "fairness" is mainly self centered. When we have children we tend to treat them as if they are an appendage of ourselves that can be removed from our bodies. All parents need to realize, but young parents have a harder time of it, that children are just "adults in training". Whether you conceive a child at 13 or 32 the responsibilities are still the same. Difference is that at 32 you can see that the whole picture consists of much more than food, clothes, money, and a lack of social life and sleep. At 32 you can see the psychological effects a life style has on a developing child.
I was lucky enough, after a bout of cancer or two, to conceive a fourth and fifth child. At the time my "teen pregnancies" were 18, 16, and 11. Given a second chance to attempt to "fix" the first round of mistakes that I made, I am hoping that the older ones will watch an observe and note the differences. I am hoping that they will learn, along with me, how a "functional family" works. They will see that abuse and negative energy ruin the love a family should share no matter what their financial status.
This time around I will not allow my child to go to "a kid in the class'" birthday party. If my child is not a close friend of the birthday person, they should not be going to the party. It does a child good to feel the lack of fairness in this world, to deal with those emotions while they are still learning how to handle life. A time when a parent can show them ways to deal with "being left out", instead of insisting that "Timmy get to go to.".
This time around, when my spouse and I have "issues" we take it away from the kids if it is going to heat up, not something I worry about in this marriage. I talk to my spouse about how we will handle situations I already know will arise from previous experience. We find a plan and are prepared instead of side balled by the young child insisting on getting her way through mean words and violence.
I now know that things happen. How we handle them is why they happen to teach us to find positive things from the negative. It is always positive to learn from a bad choice. There are so many more topics I could move into about the life of a teen age mom, but it is more important to think about the life of the off spring of that teen age mom.
I did not do my son justice. He was loved, clothed, and fed. I did all the "mom" things I knew how. What I did not know then was that MY behavior (and their fathers) was the MOST educational opportunity I had to offer my child. I blew it by making excuses for bad behavior as I tried to teach them good behavior. What I taught them was to make excuses. I blew it by assuming that "family" being together was more important than my child's trust and safety needs. Sometimes it is better for the child to cope with divorce if one parent is setting a good example. It is ideal if both do, but this rarely happens I am told.
If two adults can not communicate appropriately their children notice. These same children hear the "respect" speech regularly (or they should anyway). If they do not see their parents "practicing what they preach" they lose respect. Wouldn't you? If these children see parents communicating even if the parents do not agree, they will learn to communicate and disagree. That it is okay to NOT agree.
Lessons that as young people we usually have not learned to use. Lessons that tend to be forgotten when the baby has been crying all day, there is no money, milk is sour, and one of the two "adults" does not pull their load. My sons did not deserve to be a part of my growing up process. They did not ask to be put in that position. So it was and is still my job to try and set a good example, even though they are grown.
I have talked often with my "teen pregnancy" about life and the issues we all face. He too made the choices that lead him to be a father at young age. He is making the same "mistakes" I did. Children shall be punished for their parent’s sins. (I promise this is one of the worst consequences I have ever had to deal with.)
Sunday, December 23, 2007
A question I have been asked...and the answer I give
Where is this world going?
Well the last I checked it was revolving around the sun in a somewhat circular motion while spinning on it's own axis. If I remember correctly it has been doing this for a very long time with out the aid of man kind and will probably continue to do so unless we blow it off course.
Now ask me where man kind is going on this world and I will tell you not to far. See the world is only so big. Man has floated around it, flown around it and even seen the entire thing from the area far outside our atmosphere. We have no where left to go. So now we must conquer ourselves.
This world is not going anywhere but man kind may turn it uninhabitable. So I guess you could say this world is rotating into evil. Evil deeper than many of us can handle. You know evil has the upper hand when even the churches back down at Christmas.
The war on Christmas is a very good indication. For many Christmas means "holy stuff". For others it means "presents for good little boys and girls". For some it still means PEACE on EARTH and GOOD WILL TO MAN. For the longest time we have relied on the church to bring us our faith we put the power of GOD into the institutions run by man. Men (and women)have selfish issues to conquer and many have "portrayed" themselves as "Godly Men" and used that power to harm others. This action set a bad example and became publicly exploited until many lost faith in religion all together.
As this faith dropped people began criticizing the church's and religion, evil began to brew as the people lost the thought that something somewhere might just "snuff you out" in an instant or condemn you to eternal hell. With out the fear of eternal consequences why does it matter how you treat someone else here on earth, as long as you are happy.
Evil grew more as people began needing more and more to be happy. Christmas, once a time for families and friends to gather and enjoy each others company after a long summer of harvesting and hunting. Now a time of rush and hurry to fit it all in after work that does not earn you enough to pay the bills let alone shop for anyone. A time when even enemies once laid down their swords for twenty four hours in honor of the potential for peace. Yet now neighbors can not wish each other Merry Christmas with out worrying about offending each other.
So where is our world going while it revolves around the bright warm sphere in the sky? No where unless we chose to stop it.
I prefer for it to continue to go no where and to do that we must all first learn to stand up for what is right. We as humans tend to "give credit" and "keep score" to the point that we miss the big picture. Churches allowing the "rights" of non-believers to over ride their own are the final step to this evil. Whether one believes in the church and it's preachings does not really make the difference, will one stand up for those beliefs? That makes the difference.
Jesus and many more after him lived and died for their beliefs. History has proven that Jesus did at one time walk this earth. I do not think Jesus would have wanted us to remember how he looked, or just his name. A famous painting or two. I think Jesus would have wanted us to know that this world is meant to be paradise. We chose to not let it be. Our own down falls of anger, jealousy and hatred will kill this world. Our need to achieve the highest level and when we do, we build another. Jesus would have wanted us to see that even though he had the right to be very pissed off at the people who he thought friends, he forgave them. Why? Because to have cursed and been angry at that point would have made his whole life and the purpose he lived it worthless. He showed strength by not allowing the anger to rule him while he died painfully.
So many more have tried to set this same example and have died in their attempts. Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, John Lennon Abraham Lincoln all men who spoke of peace and forgiveness. Men who were cursed and called names, then ultimately died still fighting for what they believed in.
Evil. It is getting stronger every day. This world is becoming an equivalent to hell on an axis. Murders, rape, slander, sloth, excuses, politics, medicine, science, gluttony, retail. The end of the world in the making...unless we figure it out. Goodness and forgiveness will save this world but only after evil is identified and conquered.
Well the last I checked it was revolving around the sun in a somewhat circular motion while spinning on it's own axis. If I remember correctly it has been doing this for a very long time with out the aid of man kind and will probably continue to do so unless we blow it off course.
Now ask me where man kind is going on this world and I will tell you not to far. See the world is only so big. Man has floated around it, flown around it and even seen the entire thing from the area far outside our atmosphere. We have no where left to go. So now we must conquer ourselves.
This world is not going anywhere but man kind may turn it uninhabitable. So I guess you could say this world is rotating into evil. Evil deeper than many of us can handle. You know evil has the upper hand when even the churches back down at Christmas.
The war on Christmas is a very good indication. For many Christmas means "holy stuff". For others it means "presents for good little boys and girls". For some it still means PEACE on EARTH and GOOD WILL TO MAN. For the longest time we have relied on the church to bring us our faith we put the power of GOD into the institutions run by man. Men (and women)have selfish issues to conquer and many have "portrayed" themselves as "Godly Men" and used that power to harm others. This action set a bad example and became publicly exploited until many lost faith in religion all together.
As this faith dropped people began criticizing the church's and religion, evil began to brew as the people lost the thought that something somewhere might just "snuff you out" in an instant or condemn you to eternal hell. With out the fear of eternal consequences why does it matter how you treat someone else here on earth, as long as you are happy.
Evil grew more as people began needing more and more to be happy. Christmas, once a time for families and friends to gather and enjoy each others company after a long summer of harvesting and hunting. Now a time of rush and hurry to fit it all in after work that does not earn you enough to pay the bills let alone shop for anyone. A time when even enemies once laid down their swords for twenty four hours in honor of the potential for peace. Yet now neighbors can not wish each other Merry Christmas with out worrying about offending each other.
So where is our world going while it revolves around the bright warm sphere in the sky? No where unless we chose to stop it.
I prefer for it to continue to go no where and to do that we must all first learn to stand up for what is right. We as humans tend to "give credit" and "keep score" to the point that we miss the big picture. Churches allowing the "rights" of non-believers to over ride their own are the final step to this evil. Whether one believes in the church and it's preachings does not really make the difference, will one stand up for those beliefs? That makes the difference.
Jesus and many more after him lived and died for their beliefs. History has proven that Jesus did at one time walk this earth. I do not think Jesus would have wanted us to remember how he looked, or just his name. A famous painting or two. I think Jesus would have wanted us to know that this world is meant to be paradise. We chose to not let it be. Our own down falls of anger, jealousy and hatred will kill this world. Our need to achieve the highest level and when we do, we build another. Jesus would have wanted us to see that even though he had the right to be very pissed off at the people who he thought friends, he forgave them. Why? Because to have cursed and been angry at that point would have made his whole life and the purpose he lived it worthless. He showed strength by not allowing the anger to rule him while he died painfully.
So many more have tried to set this same example and have died in their attempts. Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, John Lennon Abraham Lincoln all men who spoke of peace and forgiveness. Men who were cursed and called names, then ultimately died still fighting for what they believed in.
Evil. It is getting stronger every day. This world is becoming an equivalent to hell on an axis. Murders, rape, slander, sloth, excuses, politics, medicine, science, gluttony, retail. The end of the world in the making...unless we figure it out. Goodness and forgiveness will save this world but only after evil is identified and conquered.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Denial and Deciet
Two of most peoples biggest problems. Up until a few years ago I too had this issue. Then I realized that the only person I was really hurting...was myself.
I did not deceive and deny to hurt others or achieve a free ride for myself...I did it so others would think I had control of my life. To make myself look better. Funny thing is...I got sick. I was drawn out and tired, doctors called it fatigue, depression, bi-polar at one point they even mentioned multiple personalities...well don't lie to yourself...we all have these...just do not name them, and the shrinks will leave it alone.
The few friends I had, I had for superficial reasons...most saw me as "together" and were my friend hoping I would provide them stability...few saw me. (I kept her well hidden)
The deceit built in me till even I had trouble differentiating between the reality and fiction. Then the biggest lie of my life...Nursing School.
I did NOT go to school to get a high paying job that would suck money from poor sick people so I could buy expensive toys. I went to nursing school so I would NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY THOSE PEOPLE MY HARD EARNED MONEY! There I said it. Co payments for mental health add up...then add the doctors payments for the personality altering drugs and the expense of the drug itself...I saved myself a lot of money.
At one point I was forking out almost 300 dollars a month to doctor co payments and I was on Medicaid!! Back then you paid 25 dollars a visit...as well as a co pay for drugs.
Through Psychology classes I learned about myself...I learned my behaviors were in side me and I did have the ability to change them...I learned my feelings were okay...and many in this world have the same ones. I learned that...guess what...the poor people who live family filled lives have a longer life span. Funny how that works.
Did you know there is a chemical in your body for all your emotions, for some of us those chemicals become compounds that we can no longer identify an emotion too.
So in walked Anger Management. Now this is not a class I recommend you just go sign up for. There are too many out there...interview the teacher, and curriculum, make sure the court assigned members do no out number the ones choosing to take the class. I happened to pay a lot of money for the class Keith and I took...but I feel we got the best (half the students were court assigned, and half were there to prevent that.).
We learned ANGER is NOT and emotion. ANGER is the compounding of many negative emotions at once.
A=annoyance
N=neglected feelings
G=guilt...wont admit it? better think deeper.
E=envy
R=rage....what happens when 3 or more negative emotions simmer in 1 human being for too long.
AGGRESSION= now this is anger in a rage...usually it no longer matters what the issue was that started the problem...at this point...any thing bad in a persons life comes raging to the surface and the person loses control, says things they can never take back, and hurts the ones they say they love. The worst form of deceit.
I have personally seen the damage this kind of behavior has on a young child. The earliest hormones in their bodies...programing their brains for the reception of a negative one. They begin to know this as normal. It is programed and often impossible to change later in life. As small children growing in this environment...these hormones begin to comfort them!!
So lets think about that...a child raised by parents who fight all the time, yell at the child to get it to comply, and probably use violence to achieve a means...will learn to thrive on adrenalin, and the other hormones that cause the fight or flight response in our bodies. To this child...it is comforting. A desire to be hit over hugged, in bedded deeply in the child's brain. Deceit in the worst way...and denial by the parent...probably guilt too.
The BIBLE says "Children suffer for the parents sins." This is why my friends...here on this earth...not in heaven.
This child will grow to either flee life through depression and inner turmoil..."What did I do wrong?" or this child will grow to control the ones around them with manipulation, and physical strength...either way their bodies are utilizing the hormones their parents taught them to produce. Trying in vain to obtain a balance that it has no idea how to achieve.
We utilize what we have...what we have is already inside of us shortly after conception...hormones. The root to the personality. Then nurture adds to the confusion.
Anger is a major part of many of our lives...it can be controlled but only with the help of other. Behaviors must change for extended periods of time so the brain can be "re-wired" with the new hormones...there are always set backs and road blocks...but...the goal can be achieved with a lot of emotionally hard work.
Tomorrow (hopefully) the other side of the scale...positive energy too can lead to the bodies most basic defense...fight or flight...eventually leading to ANGER.
***There are exceptions to this little man made catastrophe...I believe they are angels...born with the hormones to protect their brains from being "programmed" by nature, and nurture.
I did not deceive and deny to hurt others or achieve a free ride for myself...I did it so others would think I had control of my life. To make myself look better. Funny thing is...I got sick. I was drawn out and tired, doctors called it fatigue, depression, bi-polar at one point they even mentioned multiple personalities...well don't lie to yourself...we all have these...just do not name them, and the shrinks will leave it alone.
The few friends I had, I had for superficial reasons...most saw me as "together" and were my friend hoping I would provide them stability...few saw me. (I kept her well hidden)
The deceit built in me till even I had trouble differentiating between the reality and fiction. Then the biggest lie of my life...Nursing School.
I did NOT go to school to get a high paying job that would suck money from poor sick people so I could buy expensive toys. I went to nursing school so I would NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY THOSE PEOPLE MY HARD EARNED MONEY! There I said it. Co payments for mental health add up...then add the doctors payments for the personality altering drugs and the expense of the drug itself...I saved myself a lot of money.
At one point I was forking out almost 300 dollars a month to doctor co payments and I was on Medicaid!! Back then you paid 25 dollars a visit...as well as a co pay for drugs.
Through Psychology classes I learned about myself...I learned my behaviors were in side me and I did have the ability to change them...I learned my feelings were okay...and many in this world have the same ones. I learned that...guess what...the poor people who live family filled lives have a longer life span. Funny how that works.
Did you know there is a chemical in your body for all your emotions, for some of us those chemicals become compounds that we can no longer identify an emotion too.
So in walked Anger Management. Now this is not a class I recommend you just go sign up for. There are too many out there...interview the teacher, and curriculum, make sure the court assigned members do no out number the ones choosing to take the class. I happened to pay a lot of money for the class Keith and I took...but I feel we got the best (half the students were court assigned, and half were there to prevent that.).
We learned ANGER is NOT and emotion. ANGER is the compounding of many negative emotions at once.
A=annoyance
N=neglected feelings
G=guilt...wont admit it? better think deeper.
E=envy
R=rage....what happens when 3 or more negative emotions simmer in 1 human being for too long.
AGGRESSION= now this is anger in a rage...usually it no longer matters what the issue was that started the problem...at this point...any thing bad in a persons life comes raging to the surface and the person loses control, says things they can never take back, and hurts the ones they say they love. The worst form of deceit.
I have personally seen the damage this kind of behavior has on a young child. The earliest hormones in their bodies...programing their brains for the reception of a negative one. They begin to know this as normal. It is programed and often impossible to change later in life. As small children growing in this environment...these hormones begin to comfort them!!
So lets think about that...a child raised by parents who fight all the time, yell at the child to get it to comply, and probably use violence to achieve a means...will learn to thrive on adrenalin, and the other hormones that cause the fight or flight response in our bodies. To this child...it is comforting. A desire to be hit over hugged, in bedded deeply in the child's brain. Deceit in the worst way...and denial by the parent...probably guilt too.
The BIBLE says "Children suffer for the parents sins." This is why my friends...here on this earth...not in heaven.
This child will grow to either flee life through depression and inner turmoil..."What did I do wrong?" or this child will grow to control the ones around them with manipulation, and physical strength...either way their bodies are utilizing the hormones their parents taught them to produce. Trying in vain to obtain a balance that it has no idea how to achieve.
We utilize what we have...what we have is already inside of us shortly after conception...hormones. The root to the personality. Then nurture adds to the confusion.
Anger is a major part of many of our lives...it can be controlled but only with the help of other. Behaviors must change for extended periods of time so the brain can be "re-wired" with the new hormones...there are always set backs and road blocks...but...the goal can be achieved with a lot of emotionally hard work.
Tomorrow (hopefully) the other side of the scale...positive energy too can lead to the bodies most basic defense...fight or flight...eventually leading to ANGER.
***There are exceptions to this little man made catastrophe...I believe they are angels...born with the hormones to protect their brains from being "programmed" by nature, and nurture.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
5 Rights
With the cold season coming on us..I thought I would drop some knowledge.
Being surrounded by people in this world it is inevitable that we will get sick. A few simple tricks and you wont have to share your little buggies.
1. Hand washing of course is always the best way to prevent illness, but when you are sick...you would be washing all day. So prevent the dry chapped skin that comes with over washing and use a Kleenex. No silly not to blow your nose....but to open the doors in your path. This will prevent you from transferring your buggies as well as you from picking someone else's up. Okay so you can use the Kleenex to blow your nose if you need to...but then please do not use it to open the door...unless your into sharing buggies.
Transportation...
See when someone sneezes, coughs, wipes their butt, or what ever, they provide a transport mechanism for little buggie things to move around on. Kind of like the bus, these little buggies come with their own sticky gooey coat that works better than a seat belt. But, when your least expecting it... they will jump the bus and find someone else to play with. Using the dollar bill you just stuck in your pocket, the pen you borrowed, or the door knob you used. Think about all the things you and a million others touch every day!!
Port of Entry...
You picked up a bunch of vagrant bugs from something or some one, stuck your finger in your nose, rubbed your eye, or maybe inhaled when someone 30 feet away coughed or sneezed in your direction. They hide in the carpets and jump when you walk...right up your nose. These little fellows find a way to get into you...the only way they can reproduce is by invading you.
So when, despite your best effort, the buggies have invaded, you feel like crap,the nose leaks, the chest is tight, the cough annoys those around you...and the sneezes send mini microbe jets streaming through the air attacking all in their path. Well... take the drugs... they may or may not make you feel better...but it will make you less...ummm icky to the rest of us. (You can still pass these critters on to others even though you feel better...so use the Kleenex!!)
Medications....
You go to the drug store, Wall Mart or where ever you prefer to pick up your drugs. Now please remember... most who shop this isle are sick, touch all the boxes and are probably sniffling and buggifying everything in the vicinity.
So I am giving you a secret. Yes it is a secret, only known to those who spend thousand of dollars going to some kind of advanced medical training. (Or to those who chose to read a book and do a little research instead of waiting for an over priced "professional" to tell them what they could already know.) I suggest you write the following information down...then put it in your wallet, pull it out before entry into the battle zone.
There are 5 Rights medical professionals are taught. This prevents medication errors. I am giving them to you...
1. The Right patient...well thats obvious
2. The Right Dose...this varies depending on age, weight and illness
3. The Right time...yes timing is everything in the drug world. They are designed to work a certain way.
4. The Right Route...now this is the difference between taking it by mouth (PO), Rectal, or shot/IV.
5. The Right Drug...now this should be obvious, but to some it is not. This depends on the symptoms one is suffering...cough-dry or wet, itchy eyes and throat, runny or stuffy nose chest congestion or not...
Okay so you do not need to write that down...but the drug information following is the important part of this writing. Okay the reason for it, to answer all the questions I have received over the last few years.
The common cold is actually the easiest to medicate without a professional. Antibiotics will not cure it only time will help...maybe someday the "Life Cycle of the Cold" will follow this publication.
Symptoms can be treated which will make you feel better, but will not stop the bugs from moving on. (you still should not pick your nose and open a door...the next unsuspecting person will still get your bugs. ie...YOUR STILL CONTAGIOUS!)
There are actually only maybe three or four drugs that can be bought over the counter, I am not discussing the ones you need to buy during pharmacy hours to prevent idiots from cooking crank these are really nasty anyway and epinephrine based drugs should only be used as a last resort, in my opinion. (oops a personal opinion)
All drugs come in two forms, generic and name brands, you know how this works...generic is sometimes just as good but cheaper. I buy whats on sale. What really matters is...what is it made of, and how does it taste. Nothing works if you throw it up right after you take it.
So to feel better when the cold buggies are free loading...try chicken soup...it works.
Okay you want instant relief, well then read the following and hopefully this cold season will be easier for you and the rest of us too.
READ THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT LIST!
Acetaminophen is NOT a cold medication. It is the generic form of Tylenol (an over the counter pain reliever). It is found in a lot of medications because it takes care of pain, you know...sore throat, ear ache, joint and body stiffness (these dudes attack everywhere)
Chlorpheniramine maleate- An antihistamine works by "stopping your body from producing histamines." Confused? A histamine is a part of your bodies defense mechanism and may or may not be addressed in future writings...for now...lets just say it marks the sites of battle so the troops your body will later produce can find the area and attack...histamines make you itch...you know the throat thing, eyes, and that annoying sneeze.
Dextromethorphan HBr- This drug gets into your brain and tells it you do not need to cough. This is okay IF your cough is from an itchy throat or, dry and hacky but coughing is also a defense mechanism natural to the body...suppressing it, if the cough is caused by gooey wet stuff in the lungs, could lead to a bigger problem. Pneumonia causing buggies love the dark, warm, wet world of the lungs...especially if the air flow is decreased from the common cold.
Phenylephrine HCL- a nasal decongestant, this medication causes your blood vessels to shrink in size, less blood swelling them up allows more air space when you inhale...heaven, when your nose is stuffy. (oops a personal opinion...but I bet we all agree.)
Guaifenesin- is a drug that makes the icky stuff in your nose and lungs wetter, less sticky...perfect for coughing up...unless you have taken a cough suppressant.
All these drugs can be bought alone or in several different combinations. Some have alcohol added to increase the sleepiness caused by some of the drugs. All come in pills or liquids, as well as infant (birth-2), children (2-12), and adult doses.
So know your symptoms, check your medicine cupboard, have your Kleenex handy and we will all make it through cold season in harmony.
Me...I buy the one with all the drugs in it...then unless it is a wet cough...I have covered all my bases with one pill...that used to NOT taste icky till some idiot decided they should cover them in an easy to swallow toothpaste tasting gooey substance that sticks to your mouth if you swallow them with water. (oops I tried to keep all political opinions to myself in this writing...but...)
Being surrounded by people in this world it is inevitable that we will get sick. A few simple tricks and you wont have to share your little buggies.
1. Hand washing of course is always the best way to prevent illness, but when you are sick...you would be washing all day. So prevent the dry chapped skin that comes with over washing and use a Kleenex. No silly not to blow your nose....but to open the doors in your path. This will prevent you from transferring your buggies as well as you from picking someone else's up. Okay so you can use the Kleenex to blow your nose if you need to...but then please do not use it to open the door...unless your into sharing buggies.
Transportation...
See when someone sneezes, coughs, wipes their butt, or what ever, they provide a transport mechanism for little buggie things to move around on. Kind of like the bus, these little buggies come with their own sticky gooey coat that works better than a seat belt. But, when your least expecting it... they will jump the bus and find someone else to play with. Using the dollar bill you just stuck in your pocket, the pen you borrowed, or the door knob you used. Think about all the things you and a million others touch every day!!
Port of Entry...
You picked up a bunch of vagrant bugs from something or some one, stuck your finger in your nose, rubbed your eye, or maybe inhaled when someone 30 feet away coughed or sneezed in your direction. They hide in the carpets and jump when you walk...right up your nose. These little fellows find a way to get into you...the only way they can reproduce is by invading you.
So when, despite your best effort, the buggies have invaded, you feel like crap,the nose leaks, the chest is tight, the cough annoys those around you...and the sneezes send mini microbe jets streaming through the air attacking all in their path. Well... take the drugs... they may or may not make you feel better...but it will make you less...ummm icky to the rest of us. (You can still pass these critters on to others even though you feel better...so use the Kleenex!!)
Medications....
You go to the drug store, Wall Mart or where ever you prefer to pick up your drugs. Now please remember... most who shop this isle are sick, touch all the boxes and are probably sniffling and buggifying everything in the vicinity.
So I am giving you a secret. Yes it is a secret, only known to those who spend thousand of dollars going to some kind of advanced medical training. (Or to those who chose to read a book and do a little research instead of waiting for an over priced "professional" to tell them what they could already know.) I suggest you write the following information down...then put it in your wallet, pull it out before entry into the battle zone.
There are 5 Rights medical professionals are taught. This prevents medication errors. I am giving them to you...
1. The Right patient...well thats obvious
2. The Right Dose...this varies depending on age, weight and illness
3. The Right time...yes timing is everything in the drug world. They are designed to work a certain way.
4. The Right Route...now this is the difference between taking it by mouth (PO), Rectal, or shot/IV.
5. The Right Drug...now this should be obvious, but to some it is not. This depends on the symptoms one is suffering...cough-dry or wet, itchy eyes and throat, runny or stuffy nose chest congestion or not...
Okay so you do not need to write that down...but the drug information following is the important part of this writing. Okay the reason for it, to answer all the questions I have received over the last few years.
The common cold is actually the easiest to medicate without a professional. Antibiotics will not cure it only time will help...maybe someday the "Life Cycle of the Cold" will follow this publication.
Symptoms can be treated which will make you feel better, but will not stop the bugs from moving on. (you still should not pick your nose and open a door...the next unsuspecting person will still get your bugs. ie...YOUR STILL CONTAGIOUS!)
There are actually only maybe three or four drugs that can be bought over the counter, I am not discussing the ones you need to buy during pharmacy hours to prevent idiots from cooking crank these are really nasty anyway and epinephrine based drugs should only be used as a last resort, in my opinion. (oops a personal opinion)
All drugs come in two forms, generic and name brands, you know how this works...generic is sometimes just as good but cheaper. I buy whats on sale. What really matters is...what is it made of, and how does it taste. Nothing works if you throw it up right after you take it.
So to feel better when the cold buggies are free loading...try chicken soup...it works.
Okay you want instant relief, well then read the following and hopefully this cold season will be easier for you and the rest of us too.
READ THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT LIST!
Acetaminophen is NOT a cold medication. It is the generic form of Tylenol (an over the counter pain reliever). It is found in a lot of medications because it takes care of pain, you know...sore throat, ear ache, joint and body stiffness (these dudes attack everywhere)
Chlorpheniramine maleate- An antihistamine works by "stopping your body from producing histamines." Confused? A histamine is a part of your bodies defense mechanism and may or may not be addressed in future writings...for now...lets just say it marks the sites of battle so the troops your body will later produce can find the area and attack...histamines make you itch...you know the throat thing, eyes, and that annoying sneeze.
Dextromethorphan HBr- This drug gets into your brain and tells it you do not need to cough. This is okay IF your cough is from an itchy throat or, dry and hacky but coughing is also a defense mechanism natural to the body...suppressing it, if the cough is caused by gooey wet stuff in the lungs, could lead to a bigger problem. Pneumonia causing buggies love the dark, warm, wet world of the lungs...especially if the air flow is decreased from the common cold.
Phenylephrine HCL- a nasal decongestant, this medication causes your blood vessels to shrink in size, less blood swelling them up allows more air space when you inhale...heaven, when your nose is stuffy. (oops a personal opinion...but I bet we all agree.)
Guaifenesin- is a drug that makes the icky stuff in your nose and lungs wetter, less sticky...perfect for coughing up...unless you have taken a cough suppressant.
All these drugs can be bought alone or in several different combinations. Some have alcohol added to increase the sleepiness caused by some of the drugs. All come in pills or liquids, as well as infant (birth-2), children (2-12), and adult doses.
So know your symptoms, check your medicine cupboard, have your Kleenex handy and we will all make it through cold season in harmony.
Me...I buy the one with all the drugs in it...then unless it is a wet cough...I have covered all my bases with one pill...that used to NOT taste icky till some idiot decided they should cover them in an easy to swallow toothpaste tasting gooey substance that sticks to your mouth if you swallow them with water. (oops I tried to keep all political opinions to myself in this writing...but...)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tell Me Why?
After reading todays paper I can not help but wonder....
Why can people not see life through another's eyes?
Why can people not walk in another's shoes before passing judgment?
For that matter, why do people pass judgment on others when they themselves must screw up once in awhile?
The man sharpening that shovel to break ground to build his son and soon to be daughter in law, a recreational cabin, is already feeling the guilt in him self.
Does he deserve to be punished for what was going to be a good deed but went bad?
Can anyone of us say what we would have done in his shoes?
I cant, maybe that fire went so fast he had no time to go for water and or an extinguisher?
Who would have thought a shovel spark would have started a fire that size?
Knowing the way a small town runs...I will guess that him and his family will move out of Ninilchick, people will not forgive them even though there is nothing to forgive...
The Caribou Hills fire was destined to start...we have feared it and talked about it for the past 6 summers...
Knowing those trees would go up in a blaze...
were the uninsured cabin owners out there building fire blocks on their property last summer? Funny how when one procrastinated preventive measures and something goes bad...they blame anyone but them selves.
I was taught, or figured out, at an early age that if I wear pants, when I fall off my bike my knees wont get skinned. This taught me to plan ahead and look for all possibilities. If I were the owner of any of the land out on the Kenai peninsula tundra I would have either purchased land that had a natural fire/flood block...or...knowing the forests were dead and dying...I would have spent part of each "recreational trip" clearing those trees and grass so when the fire began (It was inevitable to happen) my property would have had some kind of help in surviving.
With family and friends owning property and cabins in the area...I saw first hand the fears of loss.
I saw devastation, I felt the pain of the unknowing...
What I also saw...
A group of people with a common need...to save their vacation spots...
I saw a group of people who helped each other...pulled together when the going was bad.
I saw compassion for others and their property...now I am sure a lot had to do with the fact that if you saved the cabin in front of you, you had a better chance of saving your own...but this fire still brought back a small sense of community...something Homer used to have and has lost through the years.
What I would like to see now that the fears are subsiding and reality is setting in...
That same group of people helping the ones who lost in the fire...rebuild.
A very large number of families were effected by this blaze...blaming someone will not make it go away...and "suing them" will not get the money needed to replace material possessions.
This man and his family can not now and probably never would be able to pay for the damages...nor does he deserve to.
Material possessions were lost...but as far as I know...no one has lost their life. A few have been injured but the ones I have read about chose to cross a fire line to save their "toys". A choice I too would probably have chosen...but I would have understood that I was going into dangerous areas and by crossing the barricade I would be solely responsible for my own actions and injuries.
I am sure I would feel anger toward the fire starter, but that anger, if I looked for it's root would be at myself really. For allowing myself to get into the position in the first place. For not taking preventive measures. I have three fire extinguishers in a 16 foot camper...preventive measures!!
So...tell me why...it is so hard to accept our consequences?
Why do we all think we are superior to our neighbors and their needs?
And... Why would someone who owns property covered in dead spruce think their land is fire resistant?
Oh I know...the same reason someone will build their home on a large river and complain when it floods!
Why can people not see life through another's eyes?
Why can people not walk in another's shoes before passing judgment?
For that matter, why do people pass judgment on others when they themselves must screw up once in awhile?
The man sharpening that shovel to break ground to build his son and soon to be daughter in law, a recreational cabin, is already feeling the guilt in him self.
Does he deserve to be punished for what was going to be a good deed but went bad?
Can anyone of us say what we would have done in his shoes?
I cant, maybe that fire went so fast he had no time to go for water and or an extinguisher?
Who would have thought a shovel spark would have started a fire that size?
Knowing the way a small town runs...I will guess that him and his family will move out of Ninilchick, people will not forgive them even though there is nothing to forgive...
The Caribou Hills fire was destined to start...we have feared it and talked about it for the past 6 summers...
Knowing those trees would go up in a blaze...
were the uninsured cabin owners out there building fire blocks on their property last summer? Funny how when one procrastinated preventive measures and something goes bad...they blame anyone but them selves.
I was taught, or figured out, at an early age that if I wear pants, when I fall off my bike my knees wont get skinned. This taught me to plan ahead and look for all possibilities. If I were the owner of any of the land out on the Kenai peninsula tundra I would have either purchased land that had a natural fire/flood block...or...knowing the forests were dead and dying...I would have spent part of each "recreational trip" clearing those trees and grass so when the fire began (It was inevitable to happen) my property would have had some kind of help in surviving.
With family and friends owning property and cabins in the area...I saw first hand the fears of loss.
I saw devastation, I felt the pain of the unknowing...
What I also saw...
A group of people with a common need...to save their vacation spots...
I saw a group of people who helped each other...pulled together when the going was bad.
I saw compassion for others and their property...now I am sure a lot had to do with the fact that if you saved the cabin in front of you, you had a better chance of saving your own...but this fire still brought back a small sense of community...something Homer used to have and has lost through the years.
What I would like to see now that the fears are subsiding and reality is setting in...
That same group of people helping the ones who lost in the fire...rebuild.
A very large number of families were effected by this blaze...blaming someone will not make it go away...and "suing them" will not get the money needed to replace material possessions.
This man and his family can not now and probably never would be able to pay for the damages...nor does he deserve to.
Material possessions were lost...but as far as I know...no one has lost their life. A few have been injured but the ones I have read about chose to cross a fire line to save their "toys". A choice I too would probably have chosen...but I would have understood that I was going into dangerous areas and by crossing the barricade I would be solely responsible for my own actions and injuries.
I am sure I would feel anger toward the fire starter, but that anger, if I looked for it's root would be at myself really. For allowing myself to get into the position in the first place. For not taking preventive measures. I have three fire extinguishers in a 16 foot camper...preventive measures!!
So...tell me why...it is so hard to accept our consequences?
Why do we all think we are superior to our neighbors and their needs?
And... Why would someone who owns property covered in dead spruce think their land is fire resistant?
Oh I know...the same reason someone will build their home on a large river and complain when it floods!
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